Sy is loved by all his friends

So, we have a potential housemate (who, for the sake of privacy, will remain nameless). They're asking questions about the house...

potential flatmate says:

are you and (other flatmate) friends with sy yet? :\

friz says:

hahaha

no

and we dont really give a shit

potential flatmate says:

good because if he starts visiting the house I swear i'll move out

The only reason I still have him on facebook is to laugh at how pathetic he is.

SY. ADORED BY ALL.

Sy-ence with Sy #1: "Where does Milk come from"

Welcome to SY-ENCE WITH SY. This is where Sy doesn't teach you science, but SY-ENCE! And you know it's true! Because he's sy! and this happened!

On this episode, we'll talk about MILK. Somebody mentioned at a party once that vegans don't drink milk, because it's a produce of the animal. This lead to where milk comes from- the fact that cows get pregnant so they can lactate them to get the milk.

Well, if you heard that, that's a LIE. LIE. IT'S NOT SCIENCE, IT'S LIE-ENCE.

Here's what actually happens:

"What? No! Cows don't need to be pregnant! They just produce milk!" says Sy.

"Really?" says the public

"Yes! Ask laura! She's a scientist!"

We don't ask ask laura, but THERE WE GO. Cows just MAKE milk. Without ANY help from ANYONE. They just PISS MILK.

That means this article is a LIE. As is this one. Hell, even WIKIPEDIA IS WRONG! WRONGIPEDIA

DRINK MILK. SY COMMANDS IT.

Sy can totally drive, like

When he gets this job at a phone company, he's totally getting a COMPANY CAR like to drive around and go beep beep at pedestrians and pick up chicks yeah

WHEEE

Sy totally has his own business

It's not just sending designs over to cafepress.com and then trying to sell the t-shirts. No. It's a fully fledged business.

Check out this super TSHIRT design!

Sy is like a proper pillhead, like

Oh yeah, Sy does drugs all the time. He's done more drugs than you've had hot dinners! He's had more drugs than stories that he's told! AND THAT'S A FRIGGIN' LOT I'LL TELL YOU NOW!!!

Once, he was at school and did so many drugs, he had to HIDE THEM in the ROOF OF his SCHOOL! It was like.. drug roof!

I wonder if he kept ROOFIES in there! AHAHAH

Look, here's cctv footage of when he was a schoolkid!

LOOK AT THE DRUGS IN THE ROOF!


!!!


!!

Sy is a pagan, you know

And he worships his pagan glass crystal thing he has on his desk that's about the size of a paperweight.

WORSHIPS.

ALL DAY.

Except when he isn't and he's getting drunk.

LOL

Sy has many good stories about things he owns

This is everything he owns

He's so INTERESTING that all of these warrants conversations. He'll take the tongue stud out many times in your presence. It's a bit disgusting, but at least it's an icebreaker. LOL?!!? He also has a necklace from that show Heroes that his mate bought him once. By the way, he also has a necklace from that show Heroes that his mate bought him once. HE ALSO HAS A TONGUE STUD.

And once he bought a belt from ebay that is essentially a NES controller*. Cool!

* He also mentioned that his mate made him this belt. So that's two origins of the same thing. MAYBE HE HAS TWO?!!?!?

Sy is better than Gordon Ramsay

The following is a word-for-word statement* from Sy

What a cunt.

*Edit: for Hartlepool, read Harrogate

Sy throws awesome parties

STORY TWO:

Sy was 22 this year. He held an AWESOME PARTY. He booked a FAMOUS DJ THAT HAD BEEN ON RADIO ONE* and had PROJECTORS EVERYWHERE and was going to DJ ALL NIGHT

CHECK THIS PHOTO OUT!

*if the famous radio one dj could make it of course lol

Sy can eat fire with his mouth, like

Sorry for missing yesterday, I was in liverpool.

But today, I'll tell you TWO STORIES

STORY ONE: SY IS A FIRE EATER. TWISTED FIRE EATER.

Seriously you guys. We once saw a fire-eater in a club and someone said to him "i could do that but I don't wanna", and he HILARIOUSLY replied with "I can do that.. but better!"

And he can as well we saw a video of him doing it and took a photo of the video

Sy once saved a billion lives

He acted quickly during a false fire alarm, just check out this CCTV FOOTAGE

Sy can predict the future

Who can argue with this SCIENTIFIC PROOF?

Seriously, he should just predict the lottery numbers and win a billion pounds

Sy should host Never Mind The Buzzcocks, because he's heard EVERY SONG before you have

It's true. Scientists once did a scan of his brain to find the music knowledge. It was amazing.

Sy was so close to having a music career

Check out THIS NME EXCLUSIVE

It could have been his turning point

Sy has scars on his feet not due to a birth defect...

But from SHARKS trying to eat his FUCKING FEET off

EXCLUSIVE LOLFOOTAGE

HOWEVER DID HE SURVIVE THIS ORDEAL

Sy glided down from a mountain to the beach

But, hilariously, he didn't know what clothes to wear because of the difference in temperature

HAHAHAHA yeah it's true

Sy once had a DJ contract in Spain

He also was in a band which the Kaiser Chiefs supported and has size 13 feet

Look, here's a photo

(And welcome to the Collected Stories of Sy.)